Spring Semester 2019


Fully immersed in writing book No.3, here’s what I did from February to early June in between looking at old photos, reading old journals, scratching out timelines, writing chapters, half chapters, one liners that would eventually *be* chapters, editing, writing some more, deleting whole chunks of text, re-writing, re-writing, re-writing 😉 Grateful for each and every opportunity …


After school seminar at Wilson HS for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Fantastic kids and great questions!


Skyping Dr. Danielle Slakoff’s “Domestic Violence” class at Loyola University New Orleans.  Dr. Slakoff is a skilled facilitator which made working with this large group of students easy. What a fun couple of hours 🙂


*Lunch ‘N Learn*  hosted by The Family Violence Intervention Project, sponsored by The Niagara County Sheriff Dept. Victim Assistance Unit – “Surviving Life AFTER DV: It Is Possible!” at Niagara Falls Memorial Medical Center.


Interview with Claudine Ewing, Channel 2 News. Topics ranged from why I decided to write “Leaving Dorian” to the proper verbiage one ought to use when speaking about abuse. I think we sat and talked for maybe … forty-five minutes …? Remainder of interview will be aired at a later date. Thankful for that unique and important opportunity. Most fun moment was doing extra footage with the cameraman on the exterior grounds. Thank you, Cameraman Bob, for your kind words and for helping to make that weird extra segment less awkward!


Teen Dating Violence Awareness classes for 9/10 graders at Hamburg HS. Hamburg, NY, played an important role in my survivor story, so being able to give back to the community by spending the day working with their kids is something that I’m always happy to do.


71st class, Niagara County Law Enforcement Academy. It’s interesting to work with LE students because the nuggets that they focus on from “Leaving Dorian” are very different than any other group of students that I work with. This group was also genuinely curious, extremely compassionate, and particularly eager to learn about DV and related topics. A joy to work with.

One In Five


As hilarious as it is terrible – the thought processes that keep men inadvertently (and sometimes deliberately) supporting rape culture are so brilliantly articulated that even with the seriously funny spin, I still end up crying at the end no matter how many times I watch it.

To Tell or Not To Tell


20170225_072244If you knew that a male friend or family member had stalked, harassed or abused his former partners (either because you witnessed the behavior or because he confided the information to you) would you feel morally obligated to tell his current partner? Are you a busy-body if you get involved? Do you only tell if she asks? Do you assume that he will be honest and tell her eventually? If you stay silent and he injures his current partner, would you feel partially responsible because you were aware that there was a potential for danger and said nothing? Are we responsible for other people’s safety?

Require Baseline Concussion Testing For Youth Sports


Football-big-thumb~2A modified version of this was originally published in the “Viewpoints” section of The Buffalo News on Sunday, June 24, 2012 under the title “Require baseline concussion testing for youth sports”

“To be fair, I should state right off the bat that I’m a football mom and a coach’s wife. Three of my children are boys and all of them played for youth sports associations. All three of them also suffered injuries during their time playing sports. Luckily, none of those injuries was severe enough to warrant a trip directly from the field to the emergency room for further treatment, although over the years I have witnessed more than my fair share of ambulances rushing an injured athlete from the field to the hospital. I’m positive that I’m not the only mom who has ever said a silent prayer for the child being whisked away while at the same time breathing a sigh of relief that it wasn’t mine.

However, our oldest son did end up in the ER a couple of days after a game for a CT scan. When the doctor asked if he’d ever sustained a serious head injury, we could only shrug and say that to the best of our recollection he hadn’t. Sure he’d been knocked around quite a bit over the years; he’d played football since he was in elementary school. But a serious head injury? We’d never considered any of the hits he’d taken to be serious, even when he’d been removed from play for fear that he might have sustained a concussion. When the results of the CT scan came back that he had a possible brain bleed and we took him for further testing, we were asked over and over again how many serious hits to the head he’d taken over the years. Because there was no baseline testing for youth sports done at the time, we had no records to fall back on and had to rely solely on our memories in order to try and assist medical staff.

There is an interesting debate going on right now about the safety of the athletes in all facets of youth sports. We see stories on the evening news about children who have suffered concussions so severe playing youth soccer that they suffer constant, debilitating headaches. Concussions have also long been an issue in youth football and hockey. And although every team strives to make sure that its athletes are being supplied all of the necessary safety equipment so that they might avoid injury, the rate of children being seen in emergency rooms for concussion-related symptoms has doubled in the last decade.

This dramatic increase in numbers begs the question: Are there actually more concussions being suffered or are coaches, sideline trainers and parents better able to identify the symptoms of concussion and therefore availing themselves more frequently to the medical community in order to treat that which is now being recognized as a very real and serious health risk to young athletes?

The question that continues to go unanswered, though, is when is enough, enough? What standards are youth sports associations guided by in order to determine if symptoms that could signify concussion are serious enough to sideline a player for the remainder of a game, the remainder of a season or worst-case scenario, indefinitely? Who is making the rules and what criteria are the policy makers using in order to keep our children safe?

The lack of a comprehensive national standard for very young children (under ten years of age) involved in youth sports only serves to muddy the waters when it comes to local associations trying to put together any sort of remedial, cost-effective baseline testing program for their own athletes. Without a baseline test it’s difficult to gauge the severity of a very young athlete’s concussion, which may lead to a child being sent back out to play before he/she is actually medically ready. There’s also the question of cost. It seems a logical conclusion that the suburban associations would have an easier time absorbing the cost of hiring a qualified physician to administer baseline testing to each of their athletes than their urban counterparts, although any association that is struggling financially, no matter where it’s located, could end up under water on the issue. The unfortunate reality is that until a mandatory national standard for children ages five and up is put in place and used by all youth sports associations, only some kids will receive the necessary testing.

So what’s the solution? We as parents are our child’s first line of defense. We need to approach our associations and ask whether they are working toward instituting a comprehensive baseline concussion testing program and if they are, what sort of testing is being done for children under the age of ten. We need to ask what the costs associated with it will be and how we as parents can help to make it work. Will our role be to do extra fundraising or will we simply have to accept the fact that our children’s teams may not get all of the cosmetic improvements that we might like? Perhaps we need to let our associations know that we are in favor of substance over style and that we are willing to forgo non-essentials like new uniforms or our children’s names on their jerseys in order to put those same funds to better use.

I wonder what the loved ones of NFL players Dave Duerson, Andre Waters, Terry Long and our own Justin Strzelczyk would say if we asked them? Or family members of NHL “enforcers” Wade Belak, Derek Boogaard and Rick Rypien? Would they say that we should sit idly by and let our youth sports associations make a decision about our children’s safety based on what they believe is most cost-effective? Would they agree that until handling a safety concern is legislated and made mandatory, ignoring it is acceptable because it might be “difficult” or “too time consuming” to administer? Would those deceased players’ moms say that we should let an association brush off our concerns by labeling us as stereotypically overprotective? Would their dads agree that it’s O.K. to be intimidated into not asking questions because we might not know as much about the rules and fundamentals of the game as the coaches do? Or would the family members who have lost loved ones due to complications associated with traumatic brain injury after playing in the NFL and NHL say that parents of youth athletes should stand up for their children’s best interests; that we should approach our sports associations and ask to open a dialogue about the real cost of comprehensive baseline concussion testing in youth sports?

Tiaina Baul Seau Jr. used to say, “Work for today, plan for tomorrow and pray for the rest.” I think we need to work diligently to keep our children safe today, help to put systems in place in order to ensure that they are given every opportunity for bright tomorrows and to say a prayer for the people who administer youth sports associations and make the rules that our athletes will have to play by. We owe our children no less.”

**For more information on baseline concussion testing, please visit http://www.impacttest.com