Though Spring semester ended well before it was supposed to thanks to COVID19, I was busier than ever! I was so fortunate to be invited to work more than a dozen dates with The Erie County DV High Risk Team at Spectrum Mental Health Services, Best Self Behavioral, as well as for Assigned Counsel with the Erie County Court System. I also started working with The University at Buffalo Law School, and of course made my way out *very* early one morning to speak with Health classes at Hamburg High School 🙂 The most disappointing part of the semester was not being able to complete all of the dates scheduled. Hilbert College was cancelled completely, as was my trip out to Western Michigan University Even my Skype session with students at Loyola University at New Orleans ended up needing to be cancelled. On the upside, we all figured out how to conduct really productive Zoom meetings and I even got to meet Sunny the Therapy Dog!
One perk to COVID19? I suddenly have plenty of time to work on my new book, the sequel to Leaving Dorian. I’ve also decided to do an audio book, of sorts. It will be *free* and will be made available within the next couple of weeks. The formal announcement for that will be posted on all of my social media Monday, March 30.
There’s always a silver lining, ladies and gentlemen; you just need to be willing to look for it. Or as Dolly is fond of saying, “You don’t get the rainbow without a little rain.”
Do you know a J-E-R-K?
“J” is for JUSTIFICATION. This person believes that everything they do, say, think and believe is right and beyond reproach. This person is literally never wrong. If you dare point out a flaw in their actions, words, thought process or belief system, you immediately become the enemy and are accused of trying to hurt them, tear them down psychologically or emotionally or (the most egregious of all sins) embarrass them.
“E” is for ENTITLEMENT. This person believes that it is their right to do with you whatever they like. Every part of you, from the most intimate pieces of yourself (your body, self-concept, self-esteem, value system, ideology) to those things that you cherish outside of yourself (relationships with family members, friends, pets; even your belongings) are theirs to criticize, manipulate, diminish or destroy.
“R” is for REALITY. This person believes that they, alone, are allowed define and judge the way in which you experience every situation. Your opinion doesn’t matter. How you feel doesn’t matter. They will tell you what you experienced and how you ought to feel about it and if you refuse to see things their way, you are deemed wrong, stupid, obtuse, phony, crazy, etc.
“K” is for KNOWLEDGE. At times, this person will try to convince you that they are so in love/angry/drunk/overwhelmed that they lose control of themselves. Other times they’ll want you to believe that the controlling, hurtful way that they treat you is for your own good or that you bring it upon yourself. This person tries to cut friends, family members, work mates and neighbors out of your life under the guise of “loyalty” to them or to the relationship, because they understand that knowledge is power. They don’t want you to know anyone else’s opinion of the relationship.
There’s another word that perfectly describes someone who’s a “J-E-R-K”. Seven letters, starts with an “A” and ends with an “E”. (No; not that word – but good guess and accurate description nonetheless!) The word I’m talking about is “A-B-U-S-I-V-E”. If your significant other fits even one of the descriptions above, it might be time to sit down and talk to someone. There are help centers available in every city as well as online (www.ncadv.org, www.nomore.org, www.safehorizonorg ). No one deserves to be treated the way that the J-E-R-K in your life is treating you. You deserve better than that. Please reach out for confidential help and please don’t wait. Life is too short to waste hanging out with a J-E-R-K.